Whether you realize it or not, more people in your life have food sensitivities than you would ever guess—like gluten-sensitivity (including celiac disease), lactose intolerance, diabetes, and various food allergies. The likely reason you aren’t aware of who’s living with food limitations is because most people with such challenges find creative ways to avoid telling others about it. While this is beginning to change, many people are ashamed about their health challenges and treat their special dietary needs as a deep dark secret because of their fears of being judged, misunderstood, or of being a burden to others. They often feel it is easier to just keep this information private.
Here’s a common scene: at a gathering, someone is offered something to eat and the guest graciously says, “No thanks, I’ve already eaten.” If pressured further, the polite guest may just go ahead and take what is offered, not wanting to cause a scene or have too much attention directed at them.) But then they never actually eat the food that is on their plate. While this could be a reflection of other eating challenges, it also might simply be associated with food sensitivities.
Another example is the person who, when asked to go out to eat or attend a dinner party never seems to be able to go. This person may be mistakenly seen as a really busy person or even perhaps a bit antisocial by friends and co-workers. However, the truth may be that this person would really love to participate, but is afraid to do so because of social anxiety about their health issues or how others might respond to them because of their special dietary needs.
Dietary limitations may be an issue for people in your world. The great news is that there are ways that you can help them feel more included and safe to be themselves in your community.
6 Tips to Help Those with Food Restrictions
- Any time there is an invitation to share a meal, make it a common practice to ask all invitees what they would like to eat and if they have any food sensitivities, preferences, or other dietary needs. Be proactive and persistent about this—most people with dietary restrictions are afraid to tell you about it and may need to be coaxed to share this information with you.
- Inform yourself of venues in the community that offer safe food options for patrons with dietary restrictions or preferences. More restaurants have dedicated gluten-free kitchens and tools, as well as dairy-free and egg-free menu options. Even if you don’t know the health requirements of your guests, suggest venues that accommodate for certain food restrictions whenever possible. Chances are, at least one or more individuals in your group has special dietary needs. Individuals who are uncertain about whether a restaurant will have food that they can eat often find it easier to simply make up an excuse not to go. By communicating the reasons for choosing the suggested venues, your sensitivity and awareness will be appreciated in ways and by people you never would have imagined. Another bonus is that you will also be supporting local businesses that are offering a wonderful resource in the community—making the world safe and inclusive for more people.
- Understand that there may be a seemingly endless list of questions asked of the server or the cook before a food-sensitive person will be confident that it is safe for them to eat at any establishment or home. Don’t make them feel badly for asking and certainly don’t act embarrassed to be with a guest who needs to ask such questions. Support them and perhaps even ask related questions yourself, so helping them feel safe to enjoy the meal with everyone else and not be distracted by unnecessary anxiety.
- Educate yourself by learning recipes for delicious food and about food products that are available for those with dietary restrictions. It is nice to have yummy food options for all of your guests. Sure, carrot sticks and broccoli are usually safe for most people, but when you are having a dinner party with special dishes, it’s nice to be able to offer something extra delicious for all of your guests, not just some of them.
- Avoid making any guest feel like they are “missing out” on something that they are unable to enjoy because of their dietary restriction(s). Also, be sure to avoid asking a guest with food sensitivities if they would like to try “just a little” of a food that they need to avoid, or whether they can just “pick out” or eat the “safe parts” of a dish. These are dreaded questions by those with serious food allergies and sensitivities. For some, “just a little” could land them in the emergency room or cause them to have to face distressful physical effects.
- It’s important not to take it personally if someone is cautious about or unwilling to eat food that you have prepared. Cross-contamination is a bugger. For those with very extreme sensitivities, like nut allergies and celiac disease, they simply need to be extremely careful.
The more educated you are about food sensitivities, special dietary needs and food preferences, the better. Once you start to be more openly vocal about your awareness, you will be amazed by how many people will open up and share with you more about themselves and their appreciation for your sensitivity. Simply respecting and honouring these often unspoken needs and requests will earn you big-time kudos of gratitude. You may even find that your circle of friends grows bigger because more people will feel safe with you, knowing that you really care about them and their needs and that they don’t have to apologize for being who they really are.
Photo by Theresa Nicassio
I really enjoyed this posting! I can certainly relate with both sides of the coin. I am doctoral candidate of psy with a MS in Integrative Nutrition Wellness. There are more food sensitivities out there other than peanuts and gluten. Many do not want to share these problems when invited to events involving food because they feel as outcasts or a burden. As a result, those who have many food allergies aren’t able to fully enjoy themselves and may spend less time at an event if it crosses into lunch or dinnertime. I appreciate when hosts want to understand and know the sensitivities of their guests.
Thanks so much for your comment, Tina. I appreciate that you mentioned “both sides of the coin.” That really struck a chord for me personally. Before I was informed and understood about the importance of being proactive regarding food sensitivities, it sometimes made me feel a bit anxious hosting a gathering when I knew that at least one of the guests had food restrictions. With knowledge and a huge array of wonderful recipes to choose from, it is wonderful not to have such feelings anymore that can interfere with the fun of connecting. Especially given that I am now one of those “difficult-to-feed” people, my compassion for friends who may still be anxious about it is even greater (because I’ve also had my turn residing on that side of the coin!). It is nice to be able to offer suggestions to help equip others with not only delicious alternative recipes to be able to offer, but also with interpersonal strategies that can make everyone feel more at ease! 🙂
Thank you for a great article Theresa. Very good points. I have Celiac disease with dairy and other food sensitivities. It can be quite complex sometimes when we are invited out. Easier when it is a potluck type gathering since most people now do ask about food sensitivities and allergies for the group; there is more awareness than there ever was.
It is more difficult when we have sport club gathering for my teenage son who is a Type 1 Diabetic with gluten sensitivity. At these type of events, pizza and soda’s are always the main menu items fro the teens, and he sometimes feels too uncomfortable to say that he should not be eating regular wheat pizza. We still have a ways to go in regards to awareness and education.
Thank you for sharing your experiences around this sensitive topic, Marie-Claude. The more informed we all are, the easier it will be for everyone. The scenario about your son is such a challenging one—-I’m sure he just wants to fit in, like all kids (and adults too 🙂 ) want and need most.
While I decided to make an issue of my Celiac, I know many who cannot, including my daughter. It’s an issue for a lot of us. So this article is great thank you
Thank you, Alana. One of the most challenging things to do is to speak up about our needs—no one wants to feel like a burden or create work for others. As I mentioned to Marie-Claude, I think it is particularly difficult for our kids. Being proactive and demonstrating awareness and sensitivity about this issue (especially in a non-pathologizing way) can make a huge difference!
This is very sensible advice. I am similar to Marie-Claude, but find personal embarrassment at needing multiple foods to be omitted. Celiac is my main issue, but I have others including allergy to melons which I have to include in dietary requirements when signing up for conferences and seminars. Availability of gluten free foods in restaurants are widespread now in Australia, although cross contamination is an issue, and sometimes choices are limited. Parties and dining out are, as Theresa says, events which need careful communication in order to attend, and it is sometimes easier just to decline the invitation.
It’s really important to know that you are not alone, Janice, as much as it can feel that way sometimes. You would be surprised to learn how many people silently (yet sadly) avoid social engagements for the same reasons. As you said, the awareness of gluten-sensitivity and celiac disease is on the rise, but other sensitivities can sure get a few raised eyebrows. For you it’s melons (amongst other things), for me in addition to the more common ones of gluten and dairy, I have to throw in fennel, potatoes, and lucuma (amongst other things), for the next person, it could be any range of ingredients. The reality is that more and more people are beginning to realize that they also have sensitivities and many others actually do as well, but haven’t yet realized it. Many people unnecessarily suffer from symptoms like bloating (and other GI symptoms), headaches, arthritis (and other inflammation), skin rashes, etc., where the undiagnosed cause is actually associated with the food they are eating! While this isn’t always the case, in a way it is wonderful when it is, since it can so easily be treated through simple dietary changes. Unfortunately, because the possible issue of food sensitivities is often overlooked, countless individuals find themselves needlessly taking a lot of medication that is of no help. It is prudent to at least make efforts to rule out the role of food—in many ways it is so simple to do!
What’s most important, and why I felt called to write this article, is that we start to dialogue more about this. As a psychologist, over the years I have seen countless individuals who have struggled in ways as you, Marie-Claude, and the other reader have so articulately described. The dialogue is now open so more people can better understand and be sensitive to the challenges and those struggling can feel less alone.
Thanks so much for your contribution to this discussion, Janice! Your words, and those of the other readers, can help make a difference in the lives of more people than you realize. 🙂
Very true and well said! I am always so happy when someone goes that extra step. If we’re planning to go out to dinner with friends and they look into whether or not a restaurant has a GF menu, or if we’re headed to someone’s home for a meal and they’ve made an effort to make a GF dish for me, it allows me to enjoy the experience so much more. I used to pride myself on not being a ‘picky’ eater and now I have to be. It’s wonderful when people are understanding.
Thanks Kristin! It is amazing how humbling it can be to have to become a “picky” eater after being proud not to be…and also for learning from a young age not to be as well. We all prefer to simply be “gracious guests” and, as you so beautifully pointed out Kristin, it sometimes is just not feasible.